This had to happen. There is no way it would not have happened. If not now, when? For Narad’s sake, get it now; understand. If not now, when? This is Cartavya Caal, this kartavya had to happen. Man went up there half a century ago, we have sent... well, never mind. Not man, but man-made unmanned.

By now it has happened or it is about to happen. Switch on your boxes, idiots, it must be streaming live, from far, far, far-away Shoonya.

Don’t worry if the sun is up and you can’t see the moon. Or it’s not the time the moon is visible anyhow — crescent, curve, semicircle, full, any which way. There are times the moon isn’t visible. Don’t worry, the moon is there just where it is meant to be. No cheating this time, the message has been sent loud and clear by the one and only sender of loud and clear messages. You know who we are talking about. If you don’t, why are you even here, you have no reason to be.

So “strictly no hanky- panky” is the diktat, no whimsical swimming and swaying in space this time. You are elementally lunatic, we know that, but this is no time to budge
an inch from your station, we got the figures, we got your location and dimensions and the angles of your tilt at that critical juncture. Maintain it! This is CartavyaCaal, the slightest deviation will not be permitted, much less tolerated.

We know it is the dark side of you once again that we have sought out as most suitable. We aren’t colourists, as the expression now goes, but we are coming at you with enough flashlights and torches. Once we have seen you, we shall light you up and you shall be like a hare caught in the glare of a truck: trapped, with nowhere to go but under the wheels.

We are close, you can probably hear us if you take your mind off mooning uselessly and pay attention. The gears are cranking up, the undercarriage is groaning, peeping out from the bottom like a birdling out of an eggshell. We can see you now, and all we need to do is descend closer and closer and then figure that spot we missed the last time and made some folks inconsolably weep. Remember? No such thing this time, there will be no assuaging or consoling; there will only be kadi ninda. Remember. This is no time to botch that thing up there, coming down on the dark side of you.

Chalo dildaar chalo

Chaand ke paar chalo

Hum hain taiyyar chalo

Bas ab rocket pe charh lo!