A young man, now 29, would refuse to do household chores for years because he considered it “women’s work”.
He has been working in a feminist organisation for four years and realises how prejudice exists in an individual’s mind and perpetuates discrimination in society, he said.
The tailor from Diamond Harbour has put down his thoughts and how he has evolved as an individual in a short write-up in the bi-annual magazine of the feminist organisation.
He is not alone. Many other men and boys have contributed to the magazine’s latest issue where they speak against patriarchy.
Aamader Kotha, the bi-annual magazine of the NGO Swayam to be released soon, narrates the experiences of the community the organisation works with in Diamond Harbour through writings, comic strips and art work.
“In this issue, the participation of boys and men has increased. Over the years we see how there is more clarity and cohesiveness in their thoughts and writings,” said Soumi Jana, member, preventive strategy team, at Swayam.
“Many of the adolescent boys and men we work with realise how patriarchy impacts not just women but also men because it expects them to fit into a stereotype created by society,” said Jana.
The stereotypes are that men have to be the bread earner, be the strong person in the family and “definitely cannot cry”, she said.
The magazine is an outcome of regular workshops. In many of the workshops, the boys and men have opened up about their inner struggles and how a patriarchal society expects them to behave in a certain way.
“They speak about the pressures of being a man,” said a member of Swayam.
There are men who talk about how they are perceived in a certain way. For example, a girl or a woman is on their guard if a man is sitting next to them in public transport.
“We ask them if they themselves or some of their friends tease a girl and how the girl behaves. They have opened up saying some girls have stopped taking a particular route. Through their responses we help them reflect on their actions and their repercussions,” said Jana.
Swayam has been working to advance women’s rights for 28 years. It started working with men in 2015.
To eradicate violence against women and to create gender-equal spaces one has to work with men as well, said several members of the organisation.
“While we try to create gender-equal spaces, it helps a section of men realise how toxic masculinity and patriarchy have been impacting them,” said Amrita Dasgupta, director of Swayam.
“If we can bring a change in their lives, it would help them have better relationships in families and this would create a gender-equal space,” said Dasgupta.
Not all men are perpetrators. Some of them are bystanders and can intervene to initiate a change in the way both men and women think, said a member of Swayam.
“Hence, in some of our campaigns we show men as role models and it is true because not all men around us are perpetrators,” said the member.
