From being “blown away” when meeting a group of college sexual health educators during her student days in the US to becoming one of India’s leading sexuality educators, Kolkata girl Karishma Swarup has come full circle. Running her Instagram profile since 2020, Karishma has been giving useful information and busting myths about sex, pleasure, intimacy, orgasms, periods, and all things related to sexual health. The young Kolkatan was also awarded Influencer of the Year 2021 by NHS's Brook and SH:24 Sexual Health Awards.
My Kolkata caught up with the Mumbai-based young influencer to know more about the domain and her work.
The beginning
Karishma had her first tryst with sex education during her undergraduate programme at Brown University, USA.
“I went to college in the US at Brown University. When I was there I came across a group of college students who were going to high schools to teach sex ed through workshops and classes. I remember when I first heard about it in my first semester, I realised I don’t even know what these people are talking about because I never had any type of formal comprehensive sex-ed curriculum. But over time in college, I got exposed to more ideas and concepts. I became open to it and joined the group.”
For the Geology-Biology major, it was a “life-changing experience to be able to talk about sex in a way that felt like I had ownership over my body, I had agency over the messages being shared. Our main source of information growing up were random Internet sources and our peers. In my first class, there were people who were very resistant to having these conversations, even teenagers. But then they opened up over time. I realised that sex ed covers many topics other than just how to have sex — health, getting to know your body, getting to know the menstrual cycle, how STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) and contraception work and also healthy relationships, power dynamics, consent — in very nuanced ways.”
Karishma completed her graduation in 2019 and dived straight into furthering her and everyone’s knowledge on sex education.
Hesitant much?
With sexuality and sex being a taboo topic, was Karishma comfortable to talk about it?
“Hundred per cent! So, I didn’t start on Instagram first. I started doing this in college, where I would go and speak in a classroom. While growing up, no one was having these broad open conversations and then to stand in front of a classroom and lead a conversation was a giant leap. During the pandemic when I came back to India, I knew I wanted to do this with classrooms here. I taught at one school here. I was definitely scared. I was worried that people would judge me, misunderstand what I was trying to say. I just thought that if I reached no one other than like my own circle that is enough,” said the influencer whose Instagram page @talkyounevergot has 56K followers.
The best of both worlds
From what is thought to be a much more liberal setting to a more conservative society, how was it addressing audiences from two seemingly polarised communities?
“I think what surprised me is that a lot of the questions were the same across geographical and cultural contexts. A lot of the misconceptions on the Internet are the same everywhere. Everyone doesn’t understand female pleasure or are confused about certain basic concepts.” The difference, she said, was when talking to younger people and those under 18 years of age. “The conversation in the US proceeded assuming that young people are in relationships, if not having sex. In India, I noticed that if you spoke to adults they would say that they (the younger ones) don’t need to have this conversation till they are older. But if you spoke to the youth, they would say ‘Yes, I am in a relationship’ or ‘my friend is in one’.”
When she started out on Instagram in 2020, she realised that people of all ages need sex education. “In the US the focus on the way I was doing it was on schools but I realised that in India people who are currently in their 20s, 30s, 40s also never had sex ed growing up. They are also struggling with a lot of these same questions.”
Objections and support
“I have been really lucky that my family has been largely supportive, at least my immediate family whose opinions really matter to me,” said Karishma. With many other people, she did feel anxious about what they would say. “I know I would not start a conversation with them if I was at a party or something. But so many people now bring up the topic with me. I think the response has been very supportive in that sense. Also, because it’s a taboo topic a lot of people who disagree or judge me are not doing it to my face,” she added.
About the audience
When asked about how she would describe her audience and the diversity of their questions, the Instagrammer said that while she started out with high-school students, the audience base has broadened to include college students and young adults between 25 and 35 years of age. “The reason is that people have never had these conversations openly so they are close to getting married, exploring sexuality for the first time in their 20s or 30s and don’t have anyone to ask these questions to. That’s what social media showed me.”
Top topics
Karishma’s profile has posts and reels on a wide range of topics. But what worked best for the audience?
“First, definitely pain during intercourse. It is something a lot of people struggle with. Second, is virginity. Lot of people are anxious about whether someone will find out that they have lost their virginity or if someone will find out that they haven’t. Lot of people, especially men, start to feel pressure around being sexually active by a certain age or they are getting married and are worried that their partner will find out that they have been sexually active. Third, will be orgasms. I think that there’s this quest to figure out various issues with orgasms. When it comes to women, many say they have never had one, or don’t know how to have one. Many will say ‘we are okay with having one alone but my partner is not being able to give me one’.”
Common misconceptions
Having taught as a science teacher in middle school in the US, Swarup understands the power of decoding myths. So, what are the common misconceptions she has encountered?
“I think one is that you cannot get pregnant on your period. Statistically speaking, it is probably true for a lot of people but if you look at the science behind it, it’s not a reliable method to use that as your only form of contraception. The second is also related to contraception, which is that people think that emergency contraception (like the emergency contraceptive pill) is something they can use frequently. These pills are marketed very casually. In reality, these are a very high dose of hormones and not designed for frequent use. It ends up having all sorts of side effects on a person’s body. The third misconception is around pleasure. A lot of people think that people with a vagina will orgasm from peno-vaginal intercourse. They expect that to happen. The reality is that the majority of people cannot orgasm from just penetration. They need some type of clitoral stimulation as well.”
Max reach
At a time when social media metrics play an important part in creating an individual’s identity, what posts gave her the much-needed boost?
“There’s a post where I wrote about why porn cannot be sex ed and it resonated with people because when you do that Google search (on sex or sexuality related topics), the first things that show up are pornography. In the absence of other conversations, young people are learning about pornography. So, that post does a little bit of myth busting.”
The other post that got a lot of engagement on Karishma’s page was one on how to make a dental dam by cutting a condom open. “So, a dental dam is like a rubber latex sheet you can place between the mouth and the vagina/penis during intercourse, so that you reduce the risk of transmitting STIs. I think the idea of a woman handling a condom shocked people. That blew up.”
Sex, abuse, lockdown and social media
With news about sexual abuse picking up during lockdown, how crucial was social media in providing correct aids and solutions?
“There are a lot of important people who do work related with abuse prevention. I think it’s extremely important to read the signs of abuse and reach out for help. I look at my work almost like the other side of the coin. The lockdown was really interesting because it made us live our lives online. What ended up happening is that people suddenly became open to hearing different points of view from people outside their circles. It created a crucial moment where you are not having these conversations in your household or with the immediate people but you are able to see that there are different points of views that exist.”
Access to helpful sex education
According to Karishma, what is seriously lacking is content in regional languages, something that comes to mind when you think about rural areas. It is something that she struggles with as well.
“My Bengali is not very good despite growing up here. I feel like there’s this big gap. There are some people who are making regional language content and there are NGOs who have invested time and effort into putting information out there. But I think it’s also the reason why a platform like Instagram does well is because people come there for entertainment and then get educated by mistake. It’s a very powerful tool.”
As time goes on, we are going to face questions with accuracy, she added. “We saw what happened with WhatsApp forwards during COVID. Social media platforms started putting banners stating that it might not be accurate information or ‘for more information look at this’. I think we need to have that banner for HIV, consent, and for any other things that constitute pressing public health issues. I tell everyone when you Google something, see where it’s coming from. If you are getting it from a person whose qualifications are clearly listed then great.”
Opening the conversations in schools
Though there never is a correct age to start opening up about sexuality education, the earlier, the better, said Karishma, who has conducted workshops at Modern High School for Girls on the same. “I spoke to classes IX to XII, so students aged 15 years onwards. There was an openness to discuss depending on the dynamics of the group. I noticed that there were groups of students who were more open with each other, there was no bar to what they asked. There were also quieter groups where you could tell students were not necessarily as close to each other and weren’t vocal about their questions. But when I gave them slips of papers to write anonymous questions, I got flooded with questions. There was a lot of curiosity around bodies, how they work, contraception, gender and sexuality.”
The alumnus of Loreto House, Middleton Row, also mentioned, “In an ideal-world scenario there needs to be a sex education period/class which is actually used. Schools should look at introducing professionals who provide sex education, but also educate the teachers on how to have these conversations openly. Some schools have done this in the format of one-hour workshops but that’s not enough. You need to be having this conversation at different stages of a young person’s life. Only then you can slowly see the change in ideology, behaviour, and understanding.”
Talking about inclusive sex
When talking about the LGBTQIA+ community, Karishma reckons that it is a “very us and them” type of conversation that takes place. “But the reality is that every space you go to, every classroom I step into, there are queer students, whether we know it or not. That conversation is not happening so that safe space is not created.” The questions and misconceptions are largely similar, she added, and everyone is anxious about orgasms and exploring parts of their bodies.
“With the queer community, I think the difference comes from also trying to simultaneously unpack who you are. A lot of the questions I get are ‘how do I know if I am gay or lesbian’. To which my answer is always that ‘that is something you will have to figure out and no one else can decide that for you’. But what we can do as a society is make spaces for those conversations to happen from a young age.”
Working with specially-abled individuals
Karishma has worked with the Mumbai NGO Point of View that publishes an annual journal called Pyaar Plus, which talks about sexuality with regard to people with disabilities. “We worked on a very fun issue last year which was focused on pleasure and sex for people with disabilities. The thing to keep in mind is that we need to make sure that as able-bodied people we are not assuming that people around us don’t have disabilities because many of them are invisible. I think this is a conversation that the specially-abled community is having openly. The way that I deal with it is by doing research and understanding what people have already said on this topic. But also, recognising that I will never know the experience the way that people with disabilities will know their own experiences,” said Karishma.
The award-winning influencer juggles two roles as she also works at the global consulting firm Dalberg along with running her Instagram page
Juggling act
Karishma currently works as an associate consultant at Dalberg in Mumbai. Balancing both roles is extremely challenging as both are very demanding, she said. So how does she manage?
“I derive a lot of personal fulfilment and meaning from both. I think that the lovely part of working at Dalberg is that they are extremely supportive of my work in sex education and Instagram. I feel very welcome and at home talking about my work at work. Also, I think being an influencer and being online and working in this field independently gives me a lot of flexibility. So, if there is a week or month when I feel I don’t have the bandwidth to do both, I am able to be my own boss and draw those boundaries. It is hard because social media is demanding. You have to constantly put out content to try and meet the right time and metrics. My page grew a lot in the first year and a half and then I wanted my day job to also grow and be important to me so I decided to take it a little slow.”
Bonus: A book recommendation
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski.
